so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
