He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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