He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
