I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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