i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize
