did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
