today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
