so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My feet surprised me
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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