so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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