Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
