I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
