yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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