I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
the raccoons are back...
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