the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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