Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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