just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
