I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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