My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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