Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
