Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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