I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
