doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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