actually, I'm a sock model
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
