do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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