he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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