So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
