Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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