Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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