If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
