So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
