i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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