I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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