allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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