proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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