And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
