she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
