called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
