when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
