So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
