big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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