Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
