They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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