I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
