dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
