If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
