she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
