So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
