last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
me + whiskey = a bad person
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
