I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
