Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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