Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
