Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
