put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
